Posts Tagged ‘hope’


Opening up, letting in

February 26, 2009

It’s a rainy day.  My kids are upstairs singing songs about Chihuahuas (don’t ask,)  I have muffins in the oven and a lot on my mind.

My husband and I are experiencing the universe working with us both in a bizarre way – the same issue at the same time with different participants.  We have both each cut someone from our lives because we were tired of being caught up in the never ending drama and the lack of respect we felt from these people.  We were both burned out by boundaries not being respected, trauma, drama, and dishonesty.  We were tired of giving only to be taken advantage of, lied to, lied about,  manipulated, and verbally abused.  It depletes the soul to have that kind of crap in your life.

It also kind of depletes the soul to put too much energy into keeping that kind of crap out of your life.

A few months ago, I decided to just sort of  stop avoiding the person I had cut out.  I had no interest in rekindling our relationship nor did I hope for anything to happen, but I just wanted to stop actively avoiding it.  I decided to let things roll the way the universe wanted them to roll and wait to see how it played out.  The universe keeps telling me in repeated situations that maybe I have learned and grown enough to be able to handle a relationship with this person again.  Maybe I have learned enough tools to let her issues be her issues and let my issues be my issues.  I don’t have a clue whether or not she has changed at all … but I feel that I have.  I have more compassion now than I have had in my life, but I also have the tools to block out the drama that I so desperately want to avoid.  I’m learning you can block the drama while still hanging with the actors.

B has kind of experienced the same thing.  He went fishing with his “person of interest” a couple of weeks ago and had a great time!  YAY!  The person then made plans to fish with B again yesterday …. and then was 4 hours late.  BOO!  B has learned enough, too, that he actually said, “I gave up on you, I’m going with my neighbor.  Maybe in a week or two.”  And it wall worked out in the end.  Maybe the other guy was pissed, maybe he was angry, maybe he … how knows what he was thinking or feeling.  It’s really none of our business.  The point is that B set boundaries and stuck to them and had a great day.  If he can do it, so can I.

So I have decided to let this person back in.  I don’t know if she’s missed me, I know I have missed her.  I have missed her and her children (although I have been able to keep in contact with them some – not as much as I’d like, though.) I’m guarded.  I’m wary.  I’m cautious.  I’m taking baby steps.  We’ll see how it goes… one day at a time.