Archive for June, 2006

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I’m beyond stunned

June 29, 2006
our mindless, fart lighting, chronic halitosis having, favorite playing, benefit cutting, closed minded fuckwit of a governor finally did something that I actually applaud and completely and 100% agree with.  But I’m beginning to wonder – did he have a stroke?  This decision actually makes sense.  It’s so out of character for him.  Surely a neurologist is on board
 
He signed a bill into law making it mandatory for children under the age of 8 and under 80 pounds to ride in a booster seat.
 
I have seen too many children, including some that I love, riding around without booster seats and, in many cases, without seat belts.  This is beyond unexplainable to me.  I’m a fanatic about seat belts, car seats, and booster seats.  Children in the back.  Everyone clicked in before the vehicle starts.  Honest to goodness, isn’t it a very small price to pay for the safety of children?  Why people refuse to take such simple steps to keep our children alive and safe is unimaginable to me.  Maybe now they’ll pay the price.  Better the parents than the children, eh?
 
So, happy happy day.
 
And Governor Dumbass?  Thank you.
 
 
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Oh, you’re serious!

June 27, 2006
We have no children tonight.  This means that Mama wants to go OUT.  Oh hells yes, out. I spend so much of my time looking at these same walls (granted, I love these walls,I own these walls, I am lucky to have these walls, but jeezus, gimme some different freaking walls once in awhile.)  I wanna go out.
 
B, however, wants to stay in.
 
Again.
 
So we have the phone call.  You know the one:
 
I told him that he was welcome to stay home if he wants to, but I’m going out.  That I would go with him or find someone else to go out with, but I’m going out.  I would prefer it to be him.  But I’m going out with or without him.  I’m not trying to control his time, but I’m telling him honestly what I’m going to do with mine.  Goodbye. Click.
 
Fast forward 5 minutes.
 
Hi Honey.  We can go out.  I just don’t want to be out all night and I want to come home first before we go back out.  So you do what you want to do and I’ll either meet you at home or at W’s.
 
Great, B, looking forward to it.  I have some shopping to do and I might meet a friend, but I’ll see you when we see each other.  Sounds like a great plan.
 
Silence.
 
Um, okay, baby.  Okay.  Well, I’m sure I’ll be ready to go back out after you get done shopping so, think about what you want to do tonight and we’ll do it together.
 
Crap on a cracker, why don’t guys realize earlier on that we’re gonna do what we’re gonna do?  It would save so much freaking time.  I guess, in their eyes, time is better off spent with their chin down on the floor and their eyes all bugged out while making that all so sexy "Whaaaaaaaaaaaa?????????????" sound.
 
Thank you, Elvis, for giving me ovaries and a shred of common sense.
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GORGEOUS

June 26, 2006

The high today is going to be in the low to mid 70s, slight chance of thunder showers, low tonight is 56.  GOOD GRAVY it’s just gorgeous.  I love days like this. 

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Earlier this week I commented to some of my girlfr…

June 25, 2006
Earlier this week I commented to some of my girlfriends about how wonderful my marriage is and how in love I am with my husband.  Sweet, eh? 
 
Until today. 
Today I plotted to hang him up by his testicles and beat him like a pinata.
 
It matters not why we were fighting.  Mostly, we just felt like blowing off some steam.  We’ve been together 7 years and very rarely fight anymore (those early days, gah, horrible!)  When it happens, though, it’s not fun.
 
The problem with us is that we can both fight like champions, we can both hold grudges and stay pissed and find more reasons to be irate and just draw. it. out. for. ever.  We have stamina and an overwhelming amount of self righteous indignant flair.  If we ever really wanted to, we could dissect each other and reduce each other to quivering heap of emotional shards in 10 words or less.
 
Thank Elvis on Velvet that we don’t ever want to do that.
 
Last night, B and I had a very long, very honest, very intense, very open, and very peaceful discussion about a tremendously difficult topic.  It was emotionally charged and, if we hadn’t spent so much time to improve our communication skills, it could have turned into a vicious battle of words – but it didn’t.  We both expressed ourselves and both felt heard and validated.  It was terrific, it was needed, it was hard.  And, it probably contributed to today’s Bitchfest 2006 ’cause once that stuff is out there, you cannot take it back.  You cannot un-ring the bell, and those emotions have to go somewhere.  Last night, those emotions wanted to kick in his teeth, but I didn’t do that.  Today, I just wondered what would come pouring out if I whacked him with a bat.  Probably not candy, eh?
 
After a few hours of this childishness, I felt it pass and so did he.  It was strange, almost like someone had just left the room.  I looked at him and he looked at me and for the first time all day, we smiled at each other and just started talking about business plans and getting excited about some of the new things I’m designing and creating and new methods that I’ve discovered increase my productivity and reduce the amount of 4 letter words that spew from my mouth while working.  We planned what we’re going to do on our night off this week.  We talked about dinner and what kind of trouble he and the kidlets are gonna get into on their weekly Daddy and Sons trip to the hardware store.  It was over, just as suddenly as it began.
 
We don’t want to hurt each other.  We don’t want to fight.  We just want to be happy and we both know that being happy is often times better than being right.  After all, if you want to beat the shit out of the love of your life, it’s not very "right," now is it?  So we let it go, out into the cosmos, out into the black hole of marital stress.  I hope it stays gone for a long time.
 
 
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I’m impatient

June 22, 2006

If it takes more than 2 minutes to download a song ….

 
well.  
 
You do the math.
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Gertie makes her move

June 22, 2006
So, ol’ Gert, aka Tractor, aka the 1983 Toyota Landcruiser that B totalled, finally made her move.  She’s been serving as Parts Truck for the 1985 Landcruiser that B now drives and she’s been sitting in our driveway for 3 years since the wreck.
 
Today, she made her move.  To our back yard.  Behind the GINORMOUS cedar tree.
 
Ah, Gert, Ah Tractor, you’re now part of the scenery.
 
For awhile, all we needed was a toilet filled with geraniums to make the White Trash Gazette.
 
I’m telling you –
We’re moving on up, Weezie.
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Just throwing it out there —

June 21, 2006
As much as I complain about her, my MIL is amazing.  She takes the kids at least 3 times a month and I don’t even ask.  She asks ME if she can have the boys.  I’m so blessed.
 
Jon Bon Jovi is hot.  I don’t care.  He’s fucking HOT.
 
I totally love the romanticised Southern Moms.  Yeah, it’ll screw your kids up, but it looks like so much fun.  Cheers, JP!!!
 
My husband is the best man in the entire world for me.  How did I get so lucky?  By settling for nothing less.
 
Some people never ever learn.  You can wrap that shit up in fancy paper and shiny bows, but it’s the same box of stupidity.  If you see yourself in this sentence, it’s for you.  If you don’t, it’s not about you!  End of story.
 
I love the women in my life who appreciate the men in their lives. 
 
If you don’t have health insurance, booze is an acceptable substitute for antidepressants.  Don’t believe me?  Buy me some insurance and prove me wrong.
 
Some things are just so absurd they seem to disappear from your own sense of reality.  For example, yes, I was married before B.  But I FORGET that I was married before and I FORGET that my ex-husband exists.  Thank you Elvis for never giving me and my ex  children and thus, I can forget about him.  JST, hope you’re doing well, where ever you are, as long as it’s far away from me.
 
So, my Mom’s group??  Sincerely the best group of women in the whole freaking world.  I LOVE YOU ALL.  (And I know some of you are readers of this blog now, so CHEERS!!!!  See you in the forums.  BTW, what amazing thing are we gonna do for Miss D and her new fiance E????  I’m thinking mail order strippers???)
 
I’ve learned that being on different continents is no impediment to friendship.  2 of my best girlies live on the other side of the world and I couldn’t be closer to them.  JMB and SS, loving you all ….