New Olympic Sport – Stair bowling

Simple as can be.

 

1) Find old, cement, basement steps leading to your Mom’s office

2) Set up cylindrical blocks on the bottom step in some sort of triangular arrangement

3) Climb to the top step

4) Hurl hard plastic bowling ball down the steps in attempt to knock down all the "pins" and get a strike

5) Laugh hysterically as your Mom pisses herself as a result of the surprising clamour

 

YOU’VE WON!
 

Credit where due

I mentioned that I have PMS.  Pretty much makes me the last person anyone would want to be around.  Except my husband.  He doesn’t mind.  He brings me tea.  He rubs my back.  He tells me he’ll try to come home early.  He tells me that I need to give myself a break – everyone gets crabby now and then.  He kisses my forehead, hugs me tight, and tells me that if he had a cramping uterus, he’d be a bitch, too.  You cannot ask for much more than that.

 

I write about B in this blog and give him a lot of crap, but truth be told, he’s about the most amazing human being I’ve ever met.  Yes, it’s true, he can be self centered at times, he’s moody, he smokes too much, eats too little.  But sincerely, that’s about all I can complain about.  He’s kind, honest, dependable, and he has even begun doing dishes, laundry, and other things without being asked.  He doesn’t complain too much when I leave the house at 3 in the morning and tell him to find childcare as I walk out the door.  He makes the meanest grilled cheese sandwich in town and he makes me laugh until I pee a little.  He’s an inspiring father, an artist, a brilliant man.  I got one of the good ones and I’m blessed.

 

***

In my brief post about the breech home birth, I mentioned the Student Midwife.  What I didn’t mention is that the Student Midwife was my very own DDFF.  I write about DDFF all the time.  She’s one of my very best friends in the whole wide world, she was my doula mentor years ago, she helped me have a VBAC, and well, she’s just awesome.  She’s also a midwife.  Yes, yes, she will tell you that she is a student midwife (technically true,) but she has the hands of a midwife, the mind of a midwife, the heart of a midwife.  I’ve worked with her to bring many many babies into the world (I’ve lost count,) and I’ve seen her catch a few, and each and every time I’m filled with the feeling of "this is right."  She’s got it going on and it is a sincere honor and pleasure to work with her.  She has informed me that, as of this week, I’m now in training to be her assistant.  I’ve hoped to be a midwife’s assistant for a long time and this thrills me to no end.  What makes it even better, however, is knowing that I’ll be assisting DDFF.  We always said we were going to take over the world.  I can see it happening. 

 

***

My Mom’s husband recently shut down a business he was running with a corrupt partner.  As a result, they have used most of their savings to make ends meet.  She hasn’t killed him yet and I believe that deserves a round of applause.  Way to go, Mom!!

 

***

Velma has spent 7 months traveling and being unemployed.  She did it largely by herself, driving thousands of miles, camping alone, crossing the boarder into Canada.  That’s hardcore, VJ.  Oh, and yeah, I want a quilt!  COLORS, texture, bohemian, go nuts. 

Can’t wait to see you soon – I miss you.

 

***

 

Everyone, if you deserve some credit, here it is:

 

HOORAY FOR YOU!  GOOD JOB EVERYONE!

 

Have a great day. I’m off to find some chocolate.

 

somebody shoot me already

I have PMS.  BAD PMS.  And I know it.  So, I’m irrational, emotional, demanding, contradictory – and I know it.

 

My poor kids. 

 

I’d say poor B, but I’m sure he’s done something to deserve it in the first place.  🙂

 

 

um, California isn’t so sunny

As a homeschooling family, we look for interesting ways to educate our kids.  Sincerely – we play "N, S, E, W leapfrog."  Anyway, one of the ways that we’re teaching the kids about US geography is by ordering packets from each individual state, one at a time.  Now, some states are really great about this. Some will give you hidden links to resources that you might not find otherwise.  Some states, for example Texas, will send you an educators packet that talks about state history, geography, etc.  Most all of the states we’ve hit up thus far have been exemplary.

 

Not California.

 

Oh yeah, they have all kinds of online tours, all sorts of amazing websites and links to get you to know how to drive in CA, how to find a place to eat in CA, a million and twelve ways to spend all your money in CA, but nope, nothing about the history of CA, nothing for or about educating kids.  (In all fairness, there’s a ton of great online learning tools, but you know, I’d rather my kids not sit and stare at a box for hours and hours.)

 

To be honest, it’s not so much that the lack of resources that bother me.  It’s the fact that they do have an option for ordering things for a student project, reference, you know, education – BUT when you click on the little dealy bopper that says you’re requesting information for a student project, you immediately get taken away from the order form and to a 404 page.  Check it out.  Be sure to check the box for Student Project under the part about "I plan on using this information for." That is just plain ol’ slimey.

   

So, while I love California and I love many people who live in California, they’ll have to forgive me a little for being pissy. 

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

Thanks, Mark for turning me onto this lovely little gem.  I’m passing it on with a lifted ball of yarn, a couple of knitting needles, and ask all of you, " You Knit What??"

 

From their disclaimer: "Look kids, we’re ragging on nasty knits here, (And occasionally a model’s obviously airbrushed 15 inch waist) because we ourselves are knitters, and we know that knitting a garment takes a LOT of time and effort, and it pisses us off that these people think we’re going to waste our time on this crap.

"Seriously. It’s not like we’re attacking random knitbloggers, or anything, which we’ve considered, because damn, some of y’all have designed some seriously fugly shit. But, we’re not overly fond of death-by-knitting-needle threats, so we decided against it.

"So, we’re sticking to national publications/yarn company published patterns/online knitzines. If you’re some random onlooker and you want to take shit personally, big fat boohoo to you because, one, you didn’t design the fugknit in question so get over it, and two, don’t you have some knitting to do?"
 

In case you missed it, click here.

Gotta have this

I love this. LOVE THIS. Wonderful kid + parent yoga. Purists, this will not replace your practice and mediation – it’s geared towards kids and therefore has some jarring transitions, but it’s so worth the hour it takes to do this. An hour of fun, easy paced yoga with your kids! Positions are explained in kid friendly terms with the benefits layed out clearly for parents. Lots of two person poses for parent and child – aids in balance and stretch. It’s wonderful. It’s silly. It’s fun. It’s healthy. It’s a wonderful way to spend some time with your children, building your relationship, your mental health, your body. If you have kids, run, don’t walk, and get it.

*You’ll have to leave your stoic adult self at the door.* 

…and this

Amazing. Completely and totally amazing. Two discs that make you want to jump, dance, laugh, cry, love, get it on, and be grateful you have ears. (apparently, Amazon has it 20% off.) 

WHOA!

Occasionally, things happen that rock your world, and one of those things happened yesterday.  I’m not going to get into the details yet – I’m still kind of trying to pinch myself.

 

Little background – in our state, no one does breech (bottom first) vaginal births.  Breech =  cesarean.  Of course, there are options for flipping the baby and then being induced, but the success rate of that is really sketchy and often ends up in surgery, anyhow.  Breech risks someone out of a home birth.  It’s just not done here.  In other parts of the world, and even in our own country, breech births are done successfully all the time.  Not here.  Not in a long long time.

 

Yesterday, I helped out with a home water birth.  Of a breech baby.  Yep.  No one knew that the baby was breech.  The way it was presenting it seemed vertex, even during an examination.  As the baby started "crowning," the student midwife said to me and the doctor, "Um, this is a butt."

 

WHOA!!

 

Again, no details, but baby girl is doing GREAT, mom is doing GREAT, and the doctor, student midwife, and myself shared the experience of our first, and possibly only, vaginal breech birth at home.

 

Birth works!

maybe baby?

Gotta client flirting around with labor. Hope she goes on and does it – today works so well for me.

Koan, I (Still) Do, and stinking our way to health

I found the following on a blog this morning.  Normally I would just link to the post, but I am actually going to just cut and paste it all here because, well, I wrote about the blog owner recently and want to leave him / her  his / her privacy.

 

Koan’s are little parables passed down for centuries from one monk to another to illuminate a small teaching…koans typically have a moral, or a twist, or perhaps they are so illogical that in their absence of rational thought they force someone to abandon logic.

This one is called black nosed Buddha—
A nun who was searching for enlightenment carved a wooden Buddha and covered it in gold leaf. It was very pretty and she carried it everywhere she went.
Years passed and still carrying her Buddha she settled down in a small country temple where there were many statues each with its own shrine.
She burned incense in front of her own statue, and not wanting to share any of the perfume with the other statues, she devised a funnel that would direct the smoke toward her own. This blackened the nose of her Buddha and made it especially ugly

 

 

I love this.   This can be summed up in modern day college bar speak.

 

"Hey, Girl, love those boots.  Just love them.  Where did you get them?"

 

"Ummm, well, I got them from a cobbler in Venice last summer.  Yeah, um, they’re one of a kind."

 

Of course, all the while, the girl got them BOGO at Payless.  I spent many years of my life "buying my boots in Venice."  I wanted to keep all the best stuff for myself.  Know what?  It’s a pretty lonely existence.  We have to share what we have, folks, or else Karma is going to rough up our Buddha.

 

 

______

 

I had a dream last night that I was getting married to B.  I won’t get into the details (they’re a little twisted and I want some more clarity before I share them,) but I woke up this morning feeling like I had just said "I DO" again.  I realized that I would absolutely say, "I DO" again.  And again. And again.  Pretty nice way to start the day.

 

______

 

It’s cold and flu season here.  Everyone in town is running around with a dripping nose and a cough and general nastiness.  First, let me just say that, if your kids are sick, *don’t bring them to the library, don’t bring them to play with my kids, stay home, get well, and let the rest of us stay well!!!*  Okay, got that out of my system.  Of course, I cannot control what other parents do with their families, but I can do everything possible to protect my own.  It’s no secret that we don’t vaccinate our kids, we don’t take medication very often, we don’t get the flu shot.  I’m not getting into the political, health, and moral reasons for this – not the point.  The point is that we have alternative ways of staying healthy.  We eat for health.  During cold and flu season, we eat a lot, and I mean A LOT of garlic and onions.  Currently, Stealth is eating hummus so garlic-y Vampires in Europe are closing the windows.  We eat broccoli several times a week for it’s antioxidant and health promoting properties.  We’re doing pretty well.  We’ve avoided the flu and full blown colds.  Of course, there are some slight sniffles around our house, but with the way we probably smell, who’s complaining??