Perception vs. Perspective

I’m not sure where this post is going -I just know that the same thoughts have been circling my head for several days now and I feel like writing it down.  I can almost promise that there will be no resolution and it will end abruptly.  Consider yourself warned.  It, like me, is a work in progress.

These two words, Perception and Perspective, are so similar and yet are so dramatically different.  I love the English language for these kinds of things.  Soul and Sole – very similar, very different.  Lead and Led, Persecution and Prosecution, Salutation and Solution, etc.  But very rarely have I found a pair of words related like this that can make such a vast impression on a life.  It’s almost as if they are different sides of the same coin.

Yeah, I know, clear as mud.  Follow me, eh?  Like I said, I’m not sure where it’s going, either, but I assure you none of us will end up in prison, so what have you got to lose?

In the last 2 weeks, I have heard and read at least 3 things that have caused this word play to bounce around in my head.  Each of these things hinge on perspective and perception – and depending on which P you are holding, the hinge bends both ways.

Examples:  I was speaking to someone I am quite close to about an event that happened over 13 years ago.  This event happened to be infidelity.  The person I was speaking to was the person who was cheated on.  At the time it happened, I was friends with the one doing the cheating.  I didn’t know the Cheatee personally when it happened and I am no longer friends with the Cheater.  Bizarre, I know.  Anyway, when we had this conversation last week, I noted that my friend (cheatee) was still hanging on to some sort of sense of pain, rejection, anger, hurt, unfairness of it all.  This humored me to no end (sorry, sometimes I can be a bitch) because it really was no big deal, at the time, to my other friend (Cheater.)  It was just a part of what she did.  What, frankly, we all did.  We were just children, in our late teens or just barely out of them.  The event came and went and, well, you know, we grew up.

But it’s so strange that the perception of the Cheatee is that it was so much more horrendous than it was.  Or was it?  I mean, perhaps to him it really was that horrific?  Or, as I’ve aged, my perspective on it has changed and his hadn’t?  I mean, break ups hurt, sure, but can a loving heart be truly broken if there never really was “real” love there? 

Yeah, that’s so much more clear.  Ah hem.

Trying for another situation, that is so very similar it makes my head spin.  I can be a bit more detailed about it, though, because, well, this one involves me.  I can tell my own crap – not so comfortable telling other folks’ stuff.

Okay.  So I’m somewhat in contact with my ex-husband on a popular networking site.  And by “in contact” I mean that he writes these bizarre and rambly things and answers nearly every single one of the surveys that folks put out and, well, he’s entertaining, and why wouldn’t I read it?  Anyway … so he answers one of these survey things and one of the questions had to do with “what’s the worst thing your best friend ever did to you…” and he proceeds to write about how his best friend followed him to a new town, got a job in the same place as him, moved into an apartment a block away, and then stole his girlfriend and didn’t fess up to it for a month or so, etc.  It was very clear to me, as I read this, that my ex-husband was all still so upset and caught up in it.  I’m telling you, I read that and thought about it for a full 3 minutes before I realized that WHOAH, Mamakohl, you are the girl in this situation.  YOU are the girl that his best friend stole.  Ton of bricks moment, let me tell you, because get this — I had completely and totally forgotten about it.  It happened, oh, 12 years ago.

At the time, my perception was that it wasn’t that big of a deal.  It’s not exactly like my ex was all that, oh, loyal to me or whatever.  Who cared?  I was in college, for goodness sakes.  That’s what college was all about.  But not for him.  Nope.  Different perceptions. 

 And now, as an adult, my perspective on it all has changed.  It was horrible what I did to him.  Horrible.  I did a lot of horrible things to folks back then – and lots of folks did horrible things to me, but you know, that is just a part of life.  Having said all of that, the incident doesn’t hold any power over me, not even the power of guilt, because it wasn’t real …?

Again, with the rambling (and no I haven’t been drinking!)

Imagine you had a 2 carat diamond ring.  Now imagine that you had a 2 carat FAKE diamond ring, too.  How would you feel if you lost the fake ring?  The real ring?

Now, imagine that the real diamond ring was a gift from a long, long gone college boyfriend and the fake diamond ring was your wedding ring from your loving husband of 50 years.  If you lost both rings, which one would you cry more tears over?

Perception vs. Perspective.

I could go on and on.  It applies to aging, too!  I’m saggier than ever, I have crows feet around my eyes, wrinkles around my lips, I have more stretch marks than I can count with a calculator and abacus, I’ve found a couple of age spots on my forehead and hands, I groan when I get out of bed in the morning, and yet I feel the most beautiful I have ever felt in my life.  I feel so good about who I am, where I am, what I am that the rest of it just sort of falls into place.  And then there are those who also feel that they are at their most beautiful, although they are so fried and plastic that they crunch when you touch them (this is instance #3, but do we need more details?  I didn’t think so.)  Do they really feel that beautiful or are they just trying to convince themselves?  Does it matter?  It depends — on perspective and perception.

There are no right or wrong answers to any of these questions.  There are no good and bad, no yes or no.  Just thoughts, just mental discussions to have while you’re waiting for your nails to dry or for the person in line in front of you to pay for their toilet paper with nickles.  We all have our ideas, we all have our feelings, we all have our thoughts, our stories, our histories.  We all have our perspectives and perceptions.

Just depends on how you look at it.